Landrew’s Take on Technology

In the olden days, when computers had just been invented, you couldn’t pick a cool background because computers had numbers instead of pictures. These early computers are called calculators. Now computers let you choose any sweet picture to use as your background. But like they say in superhero movies, with great power comes great stuff to think about. A lot of places are offering free wireless internet, which makes choosing the right picture more important than ever. Here are some pictures to consider for your computer:

Rocket Ship Taking Off: Not many people are allowed on rocket ships, because they’re really scientific. So if you put a picture of a rocket launching on your and someone is like, “Hey, nice picture,” you can look cool by saying, “Oh yeah, it’s a hobby of mine.” The first thing people will think is “Whoa that’s cool that he’s been to space.” The second thing they’ll think is “Wait, if space is his hobby, what kind of super crazy stuff does he do for a job?” Then they’ll be more impressed!

“This is a Replacement Computer”: Is your laptop getting a little old? Do you feel embarrassed to bring it out in public? There’s an easy way to fix this! Just take everything off your desktop, and set your background to be a picture that is all white except for a thing in the middle that says “This is a replacement computer.” Then if someone says, “That’s a lame laptop,” you can be like, “Yeah it’s the one that the computer-fixing store leant me while they worked on my real laptop. I broke it mountain climbing.” (Warning: this one requires some mountain research. Try searching “ten most awesome mountains” or something.)

Kittens: A while ago, kitten pictures would just be for girls, but that has changed thanks to new kitten picture advancements. Now you can get pictures of kittens wearing cool sunglasses or kittens in an awesome sports car. I even found a kitten picture where a kitten was giving a middle finger! And I didn’t even know kittens had fingers!

Standard Background: A background that your computer comes with says, “I just got this thing and I don’t know how to use it.” But sometimes that’s exactly what you want to say. For example, let’s say you’re near a really pretty girl who’s using a computer. You might be able to get attention by pretending you don’t know anything about how to use yours. Say things like “What is up with all these buttons with letters on them?” or “What kind of typewriter is this anyway?” The girl might feel bad for you and come over to help. When she tells you what to do, be like, “Oh wait, I think I get it.” Then start doing a lot of cool computer stuff. That way she’ll think you’re super smart since you learn so fast, and she might be into smart guys.

If you’re computer has a setting where the background can change, make it be changing between a bunch of really old paintings that are famous. Then just stare at it, and if someone walks by, say “Just some stuff I’ve got in the hallway at my house.” Then say your house is a castle. (Warning: Don’t let anyone come see the art in your castle, unless you really have art and a castle.)