Landrew’s Take on Technology

Pro-bowlers and people who work on computers have one thing in common: they can both hurt their hands at their jobs. A pro-bowler could hurt his wrist if someone accidentally puts some super glue in the finger holes on his bowling ball. Then his fingers could get stuck without him knowing and when he goes to roll his ball hard towards the pins, his hand might come off with the ball and go down the lane and score a strike. With computers, you don’t get any points for hurting your hands.

On the scale of what’s dangerous for your hand and what’s not, computer keyboards are medium dangerous. Some things that are less dangerous than using technology are turning doorknobs, pointing at stuff and touching sand. Some things that are more dangerous for your hands than technology are punching mirrors, reaching into fire, and checking if big turtles are snapping turtles or normal turtles using your fingers. Some other medium dangerous things are high-fiving musclemen who are usually gentle but can get excited and entering knuckle-cracking contests.

I didn’t know keyboards were dangerous until my roommate, Greg, started complaining about his wrist hurting all the time. I asked if it had anything to do with him wearing the really stupid-looking bracelet that his girlfriend got him and he said, no, the bracelet was soothing and not painful because it showed their love for each other (lame). He said his wrist hurt because he typed at work all day. He said if it got really bad he might get something called carpel tunnel syndrome.

You’re probably thinking, carpel tunnel syndrome? How am I supposed to remember something as weird-sounding as that? Well, I have a way. Imagine you work at a place that also has a room for an orchestra to practice music, so you carpool with some orchestra guys. One day, you try to take a shortcut through a tunnel, but you get stuck in a traffic jam underground. You’re going to be late for work so the orchestra guys start freaking out because they need time to warm up, so they take out their giant horns and stuff and start warming up in your car, which is really small. This carpool tunnel situation can get uncomfortable, just like carpel tunnel is uncomfortable for your wrists if you type too much.

Unfortunately there is no way to avoid using keyboards for a lot of people. You might be able to get a microphone that types into your computer for you, but that could get embarrassing. For example, what if you work for a doctor typing up stuff his patients have said to him? There might be a patient who had butt problems and was like, “my butt hurts, and it smells pretty nasty, and I looked at it in a mirror and it looks pretty gross too.” You would have to say that and if hot girls were walking by, they might think you’re talking about your own butt.

So the only thing to do is take breaks when typing and don’t type too hard. Also, look for signs that would make typing even more dangerous than it usually is, like if the keyboard is really hot and melting or there’s a big poisonous snake on it.