Landrew’s Take on Technology

Even though you pronounce the “thanks” before the “giving,” Thanksgiving is actually about giving thanks.  A lot of people will be thankful for something cool and new that happened.  I’m taking a different approach this year.  I’m going to be thankful for all of the stuff that could have changed in a lame way, but didn’t!

I’m thankful that ants have stayed the same size.  If ants had gotten really big all of the sudden, that wouldn’t have been fun for anyone, not even the ants.  There would be a lot of growing pains, like when teenagers get really tall of the sudden, but worse because it would be with ants.

I’m thankful that fireworks are still cool-looking and colorful.  Sometimes I get nervous that they’re going to start making all fireworks one boring color, like gray, so that color blind people won’t feel left out on the Fourth of July.  Luckily, this hasn’t happened!

I’m thankful that dogs and cats haven’t gotten totally tired of eating dog food and cat food.  If they did, we would have to find another use for dog food and cat food, like for building smelly houses.

I’m thankful that it hasn’t become trendy to go up to people and sneeze really hard on them.  Then people would only think you were cool if you had a cold,  and all the gross, unhealthy people would get really popular.

I’m thankful that alligators are still considered really scary.  That way, if there’s an alligator behind you, people will scream and you can turn around, see the alligator and run away before getting bit.  If people stopped being afraid of alligators, more people would get bit by alligators, and if you got bit and complained about it, people would be like, “What are you talking about?  Alligators don’t do scary things like bite people!”  Then you might feel like you brought the alligator bite upon yourself.

I’m thankful that gold bars have not replaced flowers as the romantic thing to give to girls.  Not only would you have to be rich to get all the gold bars you would need, you’d have to be a muscle man to carry them all around.

I’m thankful that the robots in factories that weld cars together haven’t gone crazy and thought humans were a threat and then tried to eliminate humanity altogether… yet!

I’m thankful that guys haven’t lost the ability to grow beards.  This way, if someone goes to live in the wild for a while, you can tell by how giant and crazy his beard is.  If no guys had beards, you’d have to ask awkward questions like, “I hear some guys go live in the wild for a while.  Know any guys like that?”

There are millions if not billions of things that have stayed the same to be thankful for this Thanksgiving!  Unfortunately, there’s also plenty of lame stuff that has stayed the same too.  For example, Thanksgiving is still spelled with a ‘ks’ and not an ‘x,’ which is stupid because an ‘x’ would do the same thing as the ‘ks’ without using any excess letters.  I’m going to write a letter about getting this changed, though, so we’ll see.