Landrew’s Take on Technology

In the sixties, guys used to wear pants with really big foot openings.  These pants were called bell-bottoms.  Guys don’t wear bell-bottoms anymore because pant companies learned how to make pants that are normal at the bottom.  Well this is how it is with paper – since we figured out how to get all of our words and pictures onto computers and the Internet, we really don’t need paper anymore.

This is a good thing for a bunch of reasons.  First of all, it will save trees.  In order to make a lot of paper, trees need to be cut down.  In order to make computers, no trees need to be cut down, unless computers start having wood on them.  Just like rappers and business men like cars with wood around the radio and speedometer, people might start wanting computers with wood on the inside so they seem more luxurious.

Also. Without paper, we can write about more stuff than ever before!  For example, let’s say I didn’t want to write about technology.  Let’s say I wanted to write an about matches.  If I was using paper and I lit one because I wanted to write about what matches look like when they’re on fire, I could risk burning up everything I had already written.  With the internet, this isn’t a problem because the websites are stored in satellites in space and wires underground, so they’re fireproof.

Now, the problem is we still have a lot of paper left over from when we thought we needed it, and if it’s around, people are going to be tempted to use it.  So what do we do to get rid of all of this paper so we can use only the Internet and computers?  I have a few ideas:

1. Put it on the moon: When you find a sweet burger place, you go back there over and over again and you bring your friends.  If you find a lame burger place, you never go back.  Now think about it, we barely ever go back to the moon since we landed there a while ago.  This means it must be pretty lame.  Why not stash all of our paper there?

2. Bring it to Antarctica and make a huge fire: Ever know someone with a big beard and then they shave it and you’re like, “So that’s what was under all that hair!”  This is what it would be like if we used our paper to melt the snow in Antarctica.  Who knows what we’d find!  Dirt?  Something other than dirt?  It’s a mystery!

3. Make paper-powered cars: If we had paper-powered cars, libraries would be the new gas stations!

Some people will say we shouldn’t get rid of all of our paper because we need to remember how things used to be.  These people forget that most things used to be pretty dumb, which is why they’re different now.  For example, should we stop using cell phones and start sending messages using weird pigeons like people did a long time ago?  No!  Cell phones are way quicker and have cooler features than birds.  Plus, birds are less stressed because they don’t have to work so much.  It works out for everyone!  It’s like this with paper, only with less birds involved.