Landrew’s Take on Technology

Polar bears have a lot of fur so when it gets really cold, they don’t notice.  People don’t have fur so when it gets really cold, we either need to go on vacation or find a polar bear coat.  Most people do the vacation because it’s easier.  But that doesn’t mean you should call up an airplane company and say, “One vacation please!”  You need to decide where you want to go.  Here is some stuff to think about that will help you make your decision:

Mines – There are two kinds of mines.  One is a hole in the ground where people turn dirt-with-gold-in-it into just-gold.  The other kind is a thing that is underground that is used to turn people into smoke and little pieces of people.  The second kind is the kind you don’t want at your vacation spot.

Lone Gunmen – Lone gunmen are only trouble if you are not travelling with a bunch of gunmen.  Before you go on vacation, maybe join a gunmen club and see if anyone would be interested in travelling with you.

Doctors – Think about this: you’re at a restaurant on vacation in a place that doesn’t have any doctors.  Then a pregnant woman at the table next to you starts shouting, “I’m having my baby right now!”  Since you’re from a place that has doctors, everyone is going to just assume you know how to do doctor stuff and you’ll have to deliver that baby.

Lava – If there is lava flowing through the streets of your vacation spot, the only people who can give you a ride anywhere are guys with weird lava-proof tires, and they’ll probably be too busy driving down the sides of volcanoes really fast to care about where you want to go.

Killer Bees – You’re sitting on the beach having a nice day when all of the sudden killer bees attack!  It could happen anywhere!  Make sure your vacation spot has good killer bee warning sirens.  If they say they don’t have any, that’s a deal breaker.

Sharks – How many people get bitten by sharks at your vacation spot?  Are the people who get bitten by sharks cool or are they lame?  Talk to their friends: before they got bitten by a shark, were they always bragging about how they’d never gotten bitten by a shark so it’s like karma?  How often do they get to tell their I-got-bitten-by-a-shark story to hot girls at parties?  How many of the hot girls make out with them?  Does the awesomeness of the making out make up for the pain of getting bitten by the shark?

Quicksand – Want to go to a place with sandy beaches?  Well take a minute and think about this: the more sand means the more chance that some of that sand is quick sand.  So how do you avoid going to a place with quicksand?  Nobody knows because all the scientists who try to study quicksand end up sinking in quicksand.

Stilts – A vacation is about relaxing and being happy.  Well nothing makes you not relaxed and not happy quicker than not knowing how to walk on stilts and then going to a place where everyone knows how to walk on stilts and outside of all of the restaurants and clubs are signs that say, “No shirt.  No stilts.  No service.”