Landrew’s Take on Technology

Before companies made cars and trucks that could drive in the snow, people in places like Alaska and Canada used huskies and sleds to get around.  When four-wheel drive was invented, it didn’t hurt the sled or husky markets because sleds can still be used to go off sweet jumps and huskies are great pets for people who are really into wolves but not brave enough to trap a real one.  Unfortunately, a lot of old stuff is not as cool as a sled and not as alive as a husky.  Here are some of my ideas of what we can do with lame old stuff that technology has replaced.

Letter Openers: With email, there aren’t too many letters to open anymore, so letter opener companies should start selling their products as “affordable not-so-sharp prop daggers.”  This would be great if you were hitting on a girl who thought you were boring.  While talking, you could randomly drop a really crazy-looking dagger (pimped-out letter opener) from your coat pocket onto the floor and then act all mysterious and say, “You weren’t supposed to see that.”  Since it’s not sharp you don’t risk hurting your feet and the girl would think, “Maybe this guy who seemed boring is actually a secret assassin!”

Phone Booths: There’s no need to stop at a phone booth anymore thanks to cell phones, but what do we do with all of the phone booths that are just around?  We make them into affordable houses for people who sleep standing up!  You could also put a bunch of pillows on the inside walls and sell them to people who are afraid of falling down!

Paddles: Motors are way faster than arms, so there’s really know need to use a rowboat now that jet skis exist.  That’s why boat-paddle companies should try to break into the fly swatter market.  Think about when you try to hit a fly with a normal fly swatter and miss.  The fly gets away and lands somewhere else far away from you.  So are you going to be a wimp and say, “That’s the end of that,” or are you going to get out your heavy-duty extended-range fly swatter (paddle) and send a message loud and clear to flies everywhere that no one messes with you and gets away with it?

Eye-Patches: With eye surgery getting super advanced, there’s going to be a lot of eye-patches without any busted eyes to cover up.  That’s why eye patch companies should team up with the letter opener companies to really hammer home the whole I’m-secretly-an-assassin thing.

The sad thing is, if these things get popular in their new uses, they’ll eventually get replaced by some new digital thing too.  In fact, I think most stuff will keep getting replaced by digital stuff until we eventually live in the internet all the time.  Once that happens, we won’t need to worry too much about it, because we won’t need to see all of the lame non-digital stuff around us.