Every year, people make new years resolutions like, “This year I’m going to lose weight,” or “this year I’m going to quit smoking,” or “this year I’m going to get out of debt.” It’s all “me, me, me!” I say, let’s get together on this one. I say let’s all make our new years resolution for next year be, “this year, I’m going to work to make this year an awesome year!” (When I say this year I mean next year, 2009).
Let’s start making sweet camera phones that work underwater, so if you have scuba diver friends, you could just be sitting at home watching TV and get a text message of a picture of a cool fish or shark or shipwreck!
Let’s invent a kind of plastic surgery that makes people look like cartoon characters so that it seems like we’re living in one of those movies that are part cartoon and part real people!
Let’s stop pretending that we like the taste of coffee and just admit that coffee flavored energy drinks are quicker, easier and more delicious!
Let’s make buses that run on tracks, trains that fly, and airplanes that teleport!
Let’s stop putting the nutrition facts on food so that annoying roommates won’t be so negative when I tell them what I eat!
Let’s stop talking about cloning super-famous classic rock bands that are still around but getting old and actually get off our butts start cloning those super-famous classic rock bands so they can be around forever!
Let’s just fly some spaceships through some black holes! What’s the worst that could happen?
Let’s make the comics page in the newspaper a super thin, foldable flat-screen TV that plays action movies!
Let’s make some real zombies and set them loose just to make life more suspenseful and also to put things in prospective, that way instead of worrying about little unimportant things like being late for work or finding a girlfriend, you can think, “I hope I don’t get attacked by a zombie. That would really suck!”
Let’s make deodorant that works for days and days in case you forget!
Let’s stop making stupid cars that require “care” and “maintenance”!
Let’s start dying the oceans orange and heating them up so if aliens come to steal all of our water we can be like, “Water? We don’t have any water. All we have is lava and I don’t think you want that.”!
Let’s start giving butt loads of money to people who do really helpful things like write blogs about technology!
Let’s at least try to live on the moon and if it doesn’t work out we could store some of our stuff that we don’t need there!
Let’s make whole buildings out of walls that are aquariums filled with exotic fish that dissolve if they die so it doesn’t get depressing if a fish virus goes around or something!
Let’s start a program where super models are sent to do normal jobs in small towns, like bag groceries or work at a video rental place, so that the people who live there can see what super models look like in person!
Let’s make 2009 be remembered as the year where cool stuff actually happened, not just another year where stuff happened and we had to pretend it was cool!
